Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
