im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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