Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize