Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
