She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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