I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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