I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
