Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
