yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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