Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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