I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
