New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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