i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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