I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
