Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
