I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
