I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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