Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
