grandma shit on top of the toilet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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