think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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