they need to just BURY HIM!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
