Don't make out with my wife yet
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
