Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
