The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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