I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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