I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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