You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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