Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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