just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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