The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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