How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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