Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
