You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
