you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
