Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
