The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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