Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
