We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
