This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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