I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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