Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
