I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
