she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
