bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
