You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize