Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
