I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
