You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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