It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
