Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
