we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
