I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
