hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
