Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
