When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
