today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
