Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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