She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
