boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
