That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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