After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
