the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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