Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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