Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
