God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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