highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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