I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
