Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
