Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
