Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
