I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
