I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
