omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
