I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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