My hand turned me down
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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