3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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