My first STD was from a foam party
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
